Sum Total

My relationship with my blog is an open relationship.  Do we love each other?  Yes.  Am I committed to making it work in the long haul?  Of course.  Do I give it my undivided attention?  No.  No I do not. I wouldn't have anything to blog about if my dear blog was in the spotlight all the time.  It's a good thing then that "A Day in the Life" and I have worked out a nice arrangement.  It will stay home on my bookmarks tab on my pink macbook, patiently satisfying the needs of any visitors by directing them to my past work, maybe even bragging about me, and anxiously awaiting my return to fill my canteen of a blog with my thoughts, adventures, commentary, corny jokes, and inspirational metaphors that only make sense to me, myself, and I.  This is the best that I can give.  Fortunately my blog is understanding and accepts me for who I am and what I write.  

There are so many things that I could say.  I could rant and rave about the experiences I've had and the people I've met, but I don't really feel the need to.  I could recap the most influential moments of 2012, but I don't feel like it.  I could talk about what I'm going to do in 2013, but I don't like "what if" statements.  So, instead, I'm going to talk about what every girl falls back on when they're in a funk: chick flicks.  And...I just lost all male readers with two words.  Excellent.  Moving forward.

I've blogged on a topic similar to this (you can read it here), but I'm taking a slightly different approach. One of my favorite chick flicks is The Vow.  (No hateful thoughts readers, this is Chelsea's happy place where she has full control and you just keep reading, wondering how she is going to twist this into her happy go lucky thought of the day).  It's not that I love the story, because it is terrible at times.  Part of it probably is Channing Tatum.  Paige and Leo do have an adorable relationship that I at times wish to replicate in a small bakery in Provo with a sampler box of chocolates.  However, it's the message that gets to me.  

"My theory is about moments, moments of impact.  My theory is that these moments of impact, these high flashes of intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are.  The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we've ever experienced."

Our defining qualities come from the big and little things that we have experienced.  My witty, sarcastic banter is probably genetic, but if it isn't it comes from the many many sarcastic conversations that I have had with my mother.  My inability to admit that I'm wrong is also likely genetic, but if not, it comes from the bajillion and one times that I've seen my dad's burning red personality in action.  Granted both of those examples could be classified as more of a trained response from the environment I grew up in than a single experience, but it's the idea that we are where we've been.  Now, that last statement could get me into trouble with the "change" police.  Yes, people can change.  But...the past still defines the present.  Past actions and experiences will always play a role in who you are right now, at this very moment, and they will continue to influence choices you make in the future.  

I had no idea what I was going to say when I started this post, but I do now.  I have no regrets.  I do not regret a single thing about the last year, or the year before that, or the 17 years before that.  I've said things I didn't mean, hurt people I care about, said things that I really did mean that I probably should have kept to myself, stayed up too late, "forgotten" to study for tests, and probably set the record for the number of hours wasted on social media sites.  Even with all that, I am completely satisfied with who I am at this very second.  I like my sum total.  The question here is...do you like yours? If you don't, then maybe 2013 is the year for you to surround yourself with more positivity to outweigh the negatives in your total.  

I am so excited for the upcoming year!  I have absolutely no idea what I'll be doing, but I think that's what makes it so great.  Here's to a year of awesome experiences, love, broken hearts, embarrassing moments, an infinite amount of awkward dating stories, missions, best friends' weddings, bad grades, and great people.  It's going to be a roller coaster for sure.  My favorite part is always when things get flipped upside down.

For those of you that were wondering....my toenail is completely grown back.  The world is good again!  (refer to this dramatized post)

Yours truly,